Inventions

Matthew's been working on a project for school. It's the Invention Convention season. He has had to come up with some ideas for things he would invent. On the top of the list:

a) Bully Proof Vest- Tired of bullies beating the snot out of you, taking your lunch money and giving you atomic wedgeies in the playground? If so, buy the bully proof vest and this will make those bullies go crying to their moms!

b) Tooth Brush Holder- Tired of your toothpaste falling on the counter and making a mess? Then buy the Toothbrush Holder 2000. This will prevent the toothpaste from making a mess and you don't have to clean it up!

c) The Wide Awake- Is math boring you? Don't you want to take your eyes off that big blinding mole on your teacher's face? Then buy the Wide Awake fake eyes! Now you can sleep during class and nobody will know!

and the masterpiece of them all is:

d) Mom Shock Collar- Don't you hate it when your mom yells at you all the time?  I know I do. With this marvelous device just by the push of a button your mom's hair will pop up like a crazy persons! No yelling, no smacking and no punishment.

These are actual descriptions that he has submitted in his log book for approval.

Hmmm, based on his description, I think that the Mom Shock Collar has my name written all over it.  He's going to need three testimonials on any of the invention that he does create. If he does work on the Mom Shock Collar, I'll make sure I'm out somewhere....for a few days.

Help Wanted....Only if you fit the physical criteria

Discrimination is something that is not practiced in the corporate world back in the United States or anywhere for that matter...except in China. I often peruse the classified ads to see what position I could secure while living here in China. When you see ads that read as follows: "1st French restaurant in Shanghai, good ambiance. Currently looking for pretty girls as waitresses, evening shift only. Closed on Sunday. No experience necessary, a little English is a must. Good work atmosphere, good salary. Contact: Vincent: 1370 172 4361"

Gee, pretty- that's relative. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person sees as pretty may not be the same for another. I know I can work as a waitress. I did it for a bit and I do speak a lot of English. Hey, I even speak two dialects of Chinese and am currently learning a third. Wouldn't that make me qualified for the position? I certainly think so. I wanted to call Vincent and apply for the job over the phone and then see what would happen when I showed up with my resume in hand. You see, I am way over qualified but, I wanted to actually see if someone would have the audacity to tell me that I cannot be hired because..... I don't fit the "physical" criteria.

Many times, when I'm out with my friends Anne and Andrea, I would see handwritten Chinese signs on restaurant windows seeking waitresses. The criteria for the position is you have to be between the ages of 18-22, no more than 48 kg (about 105 pounds) and 1.6 meters in height. Makes me want to walk right in and apply for the job and see what they'll say. For one, I can speak, I can be a good hostess and I am very hands on. I may not be classified as pretty eye candy for the clientele but, I can certainly handle myself. I know I would be over qualified for the position but, I want to dare the skinny local restaurant owner to come right out and call me old and fat or even ugly for that matter. Then again, this is China.

So, if you read about a brawl that breaks out at a restaurant and a woman had to be carried out screaming for equality, it's a pretty good bet that it would be me.

Four Down....Three To Go

June (formerly known as Junior) is doing quite well with her newborns. We have managed to get a glimpse and count that there are seven pups in the litter. Over the past week, we have watched the transformation of the babies. The fur has come in, you can see the facial features and most of all, the tremendous growth spurt that has happened since Valentine's Day.

We watched June carry each of the pups from the top level down to the lower level of the cage. She sat in the box with her babies underneath to keep them warm. That was until, the pups were getting too big and the box way too small. So, they're all back upstairs again in the spacious ball that they call home. In the meantime, we have put the word out that there are baby hamsters and have found homes for four of the seven. Meanwhile, Speedy is still in his bachelor pad (unlike the posh duplex quarters that he once shared with June) and is pretty upset with me. It's apparent when I go to check on him that he's got a bulls eye target with my name on it. C'est La Vie. I can't seem to please everyone.

Special Delivery

Boris and Irina sent a package of 24 Kinder eggs to Matthew via DHL. It arrived into China by the end of January and was stuck in customs for about 2.5 weeks. Tony had to turn over a copy of his passport and documentation that the package was for personal use. The Chinese New Year holiday didn't help either since it further delayed any deliveries. Tony made some calls to find out the status of the package and was informed that because it was food, it had to be inspected by customs. That meant, the eggs were going to be opened and "tested". I'm using the term tested very loosely here. I'm sure the inspector was surprised to find toys embedded in the eggs and may have thought it was some sort of spying device. OK, I admit that I'm being a bit creative here.

After much delay, the eggs finally arrived at Tony's office Friday afternoon. I"m happy to report that only two eggs were sacrificed during the inspection. Needless to say, Matthew was delighted when his father returned from work that evening armed with a package of Kinder eggs. Matthew promptly started to tear the eggs apart and assemble the toys over the weekend.

So, Uncle Boris & Aunt Irina, thanks for making Matthew a very happy kid! You always know how to make him smile.

The Year of the Rat....or Hamsters

Speedy and Junior joined our family in October and we have often wondered if they were two boys, two girls or one of each. Well, it's Valentine's Day here in China and this morning....the clan grew by 6-8. I can't tell for sure how many pups were born but I can tell you with ABSOLUTE certainty that we have one boy and one girl. This prompted me to separate Speedy from the cage and leave Junior with the pups.

Tony thought it was an auspicious sign for good luck. It's the year for the Rat for the Chinese and hamsters are a close relative to the rat. The pups were born on Valentines Day. HMMMM...I'm not too sure about that but ok- I'll buy that.

Junior will have to stay with the pups until they're old enough to be weaned. In the meantime, we'll start spreading the word that little baby hamsters will be available in about a month .... just in time for Easter presents!

Sweet Potato Dessert

Barbara brought over my favorite Japanese dessert. Sweet Potato cake. The Japanese certainly have a knack for desserts. Cute little reproductions of the real thing. It came in a beautiful box and when you unwrap it, you see a miniature version of a sweet potato. It had the delicate taste and enough cinnamon to make me happy. I'm saving the box and the wrapper so I can go find the place when we have a chance to visit Tokyo. You know I'll buy out the supply and shut down the store for the day. I can't wait to get to Tokyo so I can eat my way around my favorite foods.

Barbara's Visit

Barbara came to visit us for the Chinese New Year holiday and arrived into Shanghai on Chinese New Year's eve. She saw spectacular fireworks as she was landing into Pudong Airport from Tokyo. We got to see fireworks as well as we were driving to pick her up. I must say, the noise level in our new neighborhood isn't as intense as it was last year when we were right smack in the middle of downtown. The fact that we were able to sleep is a good thing. Last year, it lasted 10 straight days from morning to dawn. We were pretty happy about that.

Since Barbara was here last year, there wasn't a need to go sight seeing. We did go shopping and got some pretty good bargains. I even had a chance to take Barbara to a place called Leather City about 1.5 hours away from Shanghai. To say this place was large, is putting it mildly. It was HUGE. Three city blocks wide and about 6 city blocks long. We walked in and we were overwhelmed. I had a goal to find a bag that I had seen someone with. We did the search by looking into some shops and finally found it. Some negotiating and we walked out with the bags and that was it for us. We lasted a total of 1.5 hours. Mr. Miao thought we overpaid for the bags but...I didn't care anymore. I needed to get out. I'm not the professional shopper that I once was. I do not have the patience anymore to wander around looking at things.

We made the mistake of going to Yu Yuan yesterday in search for the last of the souvenirs she wanted. It was absolutely packed. At one point, while trying to get to Starbucks, we had to cross the yard by where the Nine Turning Bridges is located. We didn't have to walk. You were carried by the crowd. It was pretty intense. Again, a testament to the population here in China.

The Problem With China Is .....

Chinese New Year will be here in two days and the country is experiencing frenzy. Between the snow that has wreaked havoc with travelers trying to return home to celebrate Chinese New Year...the locals who are native to Shanghai are busy shopping for the holidays as well. Chinese New Year to the Chinese is like Christmas for the Westerners. The official holiday is 10 days long. Serious fireworks coupled by eating and drinking is what usually goes on. Kids get red envelopes filled with money and gifts are exchanged between families.

I had to stop at the market today to pick up groceries before Barbara (aka Mrs. B) arrives in Shanghai to visit us for a few days. It was absolutely unbelievable. The frenzy of people with shopping carts not to mention the sea of people at the meat counter. I honestly thought there was a giveaway somewhere and I was missing it. China's problem is the massive population. People push, people jump the line and most of all, there are people everywhere. You try to turn the car around the corner and there is always a sea of people crossing the street. This explains why people are driving or riding their bikes and motor scooters on the sidewalks and pedestrian right of way is not adhered to at all. Cross at your own risk and pray that you'll make it across the street.

So, I made it out of the grocery store intact. Had to stop a man from jumping the line in front of me. Perhaps it was my aggressive New York stare that convinced him?