Balancing Act

Did you ever wonder why they don't make stools with one leg? The obvious answer is that if they did, you would be constantly off balance, never feeling comfortable and eventually you'd fall down. Well, that's the way I've been feeling for the past 5 weeks, like a one legged stool. I didn't realize it until I came home that Susan and Matthew are my other legs. I know that sounds corny or even dramatic, but it's the truth.

It's Sunday today in the US and our hectic packing schedule will begin tomorrow. By Friday the 30th, all our furniture will be in storage, our house will be vacated and we will be in the final transition stage of our relocation to China. Holy Crap. This is for real.

We went to Dinah and John's house yesterday and saw Andrew, Viola, Violet and all the kids. As usual, we had a great time laughing, eating and talking. When it was time to go, we all hugged and kissed and suddenly we realized that this will be the last time we will probably see each other for the next three years. We couldn't seem to leave. We said good bye to Dinah and John at least three times and I'm thinking to myself, I am going to feel like this with everyone we see in the next two weeks. Wow, okay, enough drama, now on to the slap stick.

NO PROBLEM
I've come to hate the phrase "No Problem" because inevitably, when I hear it, I know that it is going to be trouble. I was asked to go to Southern China last Friday, to an area called Shenzhen. Expats call the area the "wild wild South" get the picture? Let me tell you how my trip went:

Thursday, June 16th
Lars: "Tony, can you go with Walter (a Braun quality manger), to Shenzhen this weekend?"
Me: "Okay. Where will I be staying, who will I be visiting and where are the plane tickets?"
Lars: "Oh, the secretary will arrange everything. NO PROBLEM."
Me: "Okay."

Friday, June 17th
4:00 pm (I still haven't gotten anything from the secretary)
Lars (urgency in his voice): "I think you better go to the airport."
Me: "When should I leave?"
Lars: "Ah.....right now"
Me: "Where are my tickets and where will I be staying?"
Lars: "You have e-tickets at the airport and here is your itinerary at the vendors
Me: "Is there time to make the flight?"
Lars: "NO PROBLEM"

At the airport one hour before the flight
Me: "I have an e-ticket waiting"
Ticket agent: Hands me the ticket.
Me: (thinking to myself), Boy that was easy. I happily walk over to security with my Braun friend and hand the e-ticket to the guard and she says...
Guard: "Where you ticket?"
Me: (Panic in my voice)"What do you mean? My ticket is in you hand"
Guard: "No. You need ticket."

At this point, gentle reader, let me clarify something to you. E-ticket in China is not the same as any where else in the modern world. For all it's changes, China is still a paper society. Their idea of an e-ticket is to wait on line to get a piece of paper that is stamped with an official seal and then you bring this paper to another line and wait to get a boarding pass, doubling the time it takes to actually board a plane. Sounds stupid? It is.

Now I'm running back to the e-ticket counter with Walter trailing behind. I cut in front of a line of people waiting to get the e-tickets, which is totally accepable in China, and ask the agent where I can get my boarding pass. He vaguely points over to the left and we are off again. All I had to do was find the China Southern counter, get my boarding pass, go through security and run to my gate in the next 45 minutes- NO PROBLEM, right?

Sound easy enough except we couldn't find the China Southern counter. I don't think GOD himself could have found the place. We found 10,000 China Eastern, 2500, Dragon Airs and 10 Southern China Airlines (which we hoped was a grammatical mistake, but it wasn't), but no BLOODY CHINA SOUTHERN COUNTER! Finally, as if almost divinely directed, from the corner of my eye I see something... wait...behind the huge standing billboard, yes I think I see a 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper with the words China Southern Airlines scrolled on it.

I bolt for the counter. My bag is hitting me on the ass like a Jockey whipping his horse on the home stretch. I come to a sliding halt at the counter. I still have 30 minutes. NO PROBLEM. I hand the guy my e-ticket and he says one word, "PROBLEM". Apparently, the ticket machine had broken down. A this point, I spewed a series of curse words, making some up as I went along because I used all the ones that I knew. He manages to fix the machine and hands me my boarding pass - 25 minutes left. I sprint for the the security gate doing my best OJ Simpson imitation, (the jumping over the luggage part, not the killing part). I get through security - 15 minutes left. Of course, my gate is at the end of the terminal. I start running on those moving side walks doing about 60 mph- 10 minutes left. NO PROBLEM. I get to the gate, out of breath, sweat pouring down my face, hand the agent my boarding pass and she says "The flight is delayed for one hour." And I said, "NO PROBLEM."

Fast boat to Hong Kong
The rest of the trip was uneventful. Our Sunday meeting was cancelled, so Walter and I decided to take the Hydrofoil into Hong Kong. When we get to the port, we are told that we just missed the boat and the next one was in three hours. Okay, we will just go back to the hotel, have some lunch and come back later.

In Shanghai, the taxis are well organized and fairly inexpensive. Your driver takes you to your destination and you pay him the amount on the meter. This is not unique to Shanghai, in fact it is done the same way everywhere in the world except Shenzhen. I walk up to the first taxi in line, show him the address of the hotel in Chinese and get in his cab. The first thing I realize is that he is not getting in the car. He sticks his head in the back window and says:

Driver: "How much you pay?"
Me: "I don't know because you haven't driven me yet."
Driver: "No, how much?"

He types the number 450 rmb in his phone so I can see it. This is approximately $50 US. The hotel is 5 miles away, this guy is smoking crack!

Me: "No, no, no 100 rmb" (about $12 which is still alot but I just wanted to get out of there)
Driver: "150"
Me: "100"
Driver: "Okay, okay" and he walks away.

So I get out of his car. Another driver says ok 100 so I follow him to his cab. The first driver starts arguing with the second driver. A third driver comes over, okay 100 and begins pushing me to his car. It was a frenzy. The drivers were all screaming at each other. I get in the cab and the driver starts to pull away and the first driver blocks the cab with his car. At this point all hell breaks loose. They were chasing each other, screaming and throwing things like a Chinese version of the Keystone cops . Walter and I get out of the cab and decide that it was safer to wait the three hours in the port.

We had a great time in Hong Kong. The day was beautiful and we had a nice lunch at the Intercontinental Hotel. While I was eating, I had a stoke of genius. I called the hotel in Shenzen and arranged for the shuttle to pick us up at the port for the return trip. This worked out perfectly and it only cost us 120 rmb. I wished I thought of that earlier. Oh well, you live and learn.

I am truly happy to be home. I have to go to Duracell on Monday morning for a meeting and to return some things and then the packing fun begins..... more to come.

Matthew's Farewell

On Friday, June 23rd, it was Matthew's last day at Hart Elementary School (above) and at Piper's Hill (right). He will be entering fourth grade in August in Shanghai and has completed a chapter of his life with Piper's Hill. Piper's Hill has been a tremendous part of our lives for the past nine years and has been the second home for Matthew since he was three months old. It was very bittersweet.

We started the day with a donut party for the kids at the elementary school. Matthew walked around the school to visit his teachers from the previous years to say good bye. In the afternoon, we had an ice cream party for the after school program at Piper's Hill. It was very nice that all the kids in the after school program made a little speech for Matthew and gave him a shirt with their names on it. He also received cards made by the children and will be cherished for a very long time. Matthew and I got pretty teary eyed with Angelica, the Executive Director of Piper's Hill. Angelica (left) is Matthew's honorary Greek Yia Yia (grandmother). I have known Angelica for the past nine years and have had the privilege of working very closely with her over the past six years, while I was a member of the Board of Directors. I've also had the pleasure of working with Debbie (below) and Bess, who are the right hands of Angelica. Emotions aside, it was a pretty significant day for Matthew and I.

Tony was on his way back to the US to help us with the balance of the move that will start on Monday, June 26th. Due to weather conditions, there were significant delays from Shanghai to Chicago and Chicago to New York and he didn't arrive home until 2 AM on Saturday morning.

In the meantime, we have lots to do around the house before the movers arrive on Monday and will also be busy with the marathon of lunch and dinner appointments with many people who want to see us before we leave. We'll be moving out of the house at the end of the week and will be camping out in a hotel for the balance of the time. Lots to do before we leave and I hope that we will get it all done.

Unemployed

Well, I am officially unemployed. This is the first time in my life that I am without a job. It is a feeling that I am having a hard time adjusting to despite all that needs to be done before we leave for China. I left International Paper on Thursday, June 15th. I did the usual with Human Resources- returned the key to my office, returned all of the Company issued equipment and signed the termination agreement. It just seemed so anti-climatic to me after all the months of anticipation of the final day. I was the last one left in my department.

I met with my former colleagues on Friday evening at my former boss, Andrea's house for a farewell dinner. It was great to see everyone again and we've even made plans to have a final dinner before Matthew, Tony and I leave for China in July. The next day, Matthew and I went to my friend, Margaret's home (she is one of my nearest and dearest friends. We experienced a lot together on a trip to China many years ago) for a farewell lunch that turned into a farewell dinner as well. Matthew had a great time playing with his little buddy, Nicholas and they even engaged in a water fight and involved two other kids up the street as well. Needless to say, the two of them came back sopping wet and needed to be wrung out and dried.

A lot will be happening this Friday. Tony will be coming home to help with the final move and Matthew will finish school. I will be throwing a farewell party at the elementary school in the morning and a ice cream party at Piper's Hill in the afternoon. Nothing like sugaring up the kids before I send them home for the weekend.

We will be vacating our home on June 30th and will be moving to a hotel for the balance of the time period. We have found a corporate tenant for the next two years. Our home will be rented to a couple transferring to the U.S. on assignment from the Netherlands. Things are falling into place. My car has been sold, my plants have been moved to new homes and now all that's left is the balance of the packing and a prayer that all our items will arrive in China.

Coffee, Tea or Breath Mint?

Updating the blog is proving to be a difficult thing because the Chinese government is blocking blogs. Apparently, people within China use the blogs to express political and religious views which are strictly forbidden. Little do they know that this blog is about toilet paper and physical abuse. Go figure.

Anyway, on to the update.... My return trip from Hong Kong was interesting. I sat next to a 70 year old man whose breath smelled like he licked a horses ass. He was sitting in the middle seat next to me, so every time the stewardess came by, I would get a blast of dung breath that would make my eyes water. The flight was around noon so they started serving lunch. In my mind I'm thinking, "Thank God, maybe some food will wash that smell reeking from his pie hole away". The lunch menu consisted of noodles with some foreign substance that I think was edible but I'm not absolutely sure. After scoffing down his meal and a couple of glasses of orange juice, I thought that the problem was solved. Instead, his breath had transformed into something that would make a skunk puke. At this point, I had stopped breathing altogether. It's amazing how long you can hold your breath when you have the proper incentive.

Fast forward two hours into the flight and the pilot informs the passengers that we will be landing shortly. At least, that's what I thought he said because it was in Chinese, or maybe he said "Kiss your sorry asses good bye because this is my first time flying." I was truly scared. The plane is going up and down like a roller coaster. Then side to side and we are getting closer to the ground. People began to panic. The old guy next to me is spewing toxic breath all over the place as he rattled off a version of "Holy Shit, I'm going to die!" in Chinese. My life begins to flash before my eyes as we get lower to the ground. My heart is pumping like a jack hammer as the plane comes in sideways to the runway. How we landed safely I don't know. All I can say is that my pants now smelled of the the old guys breath!

All in all things are getting better. Not knowing the language really sucks and it make everyday tasks a major event but, it's getting better. I count the days when I return to home to be with my family. I know living in Shanghai will be tolerable maybe even enjoyable once they are here.